THAT WAS THE BOX – October 2014 (Week Two)

 

‘STRICTLY COME DANCING‘ (BBC 1 – BBC iPlayer)
 

Autumn is here and it’s time to cancel our Saturday nights out and settle down in front of the telly for the two mega-talent shows. On ITV we have the poor old ‘X Factor‘ which is limping sadly along. Always a slave to the yoof audience, the media savvy kids of today aren’t daft enough to fall for the manipulation and editing tricks that define anything associated with Simon Cowell. In a world of Twitter, the secrets from Boot Camp can be sent round to thousands of people in seconds and suddenly the smoke and mirrors are removed and we see the show for what it is.
 

Not that I think ‘Strictly Come Dancing‘ is any less contrived than ‘X Factor‘. Where it benefits is that it appeals to the less changeable over thirty-five market. After a hard week at work or looking after the kids or whatever, what better way to wind down than to sit with the family and watch a sparkly, nice programme where celebrities make prats of themselves, or else reveal talents they’d kept hidden away?
 

But let’s not get too carried away. It’s been pretty obvious from the word go that Anton du Beke was being lined up to be Brucie’s successor. And he must have been pretty pissed off that the BBC – in the wake of the Jimmy Savile scandal, thought they would go all feminist and recruit Claudia Winkleman to co-present full time, just so they can dismiss any claims that they’re sexist. I’m not sure if Claudia is a wise choice to be the one who’s there when emotional celebrities finish dancing and need a bit of reassurance and TLC. She lacks Tess Daly’s warmth, and Tess herself is not a natural comic, and her delivery of jokes was just as awkward as octogenarian Bruce Forsyth.
 

As for the celebrities and judges, it’s the usual sort of thing. Anton was paired with a middle-aged lady who wasn’t very good. Krystina got a hot young man, and Simon Webbe is actually single – surely a first for Krystina? Alison Hammond is the token big girl who can dance. Craig Revel Horwood morphs more and more into a pantomime villain, and Darcy Bussell’s inflections at the end of every sentence is really irritating. And does Bruno really have to give exactly the same score as Len, every single time?
 

‘Strictly‘ is starting to look a bit tired and frayed around the edges and I suspect if it appealed to the younger market, as ‘X Factor‘ does, it would find itself on dangerous ground as well. But seeing as the original ‘Come Dancing‘ ran for about 294 years, there’s no reason why this can’t go on and on. But maybe zhoosh it up a bit with a new judging panel and a male co-host for Tess.
 

We’re three weeks in and I have to say I’m finding it a bit of a snooze-fest. The judges seem to be more concerned with performance rather than technical ability, which is why the likes of Alison Hammond get high praise, when a few years ago, in the dark Arlene Phillips days, she would have been criticised both for her weight and for her lack of grace. She was actually praised for leading Alijaz around, whereas a couple of years ago, Lisa Riley was criticised for doing the same thing.
 

Judy Murray is like an ironing board and I feel she only survived the public vote last week because of Anton’s fanbase. Sunetra Sarker seems like a really nice woman, but I always forget that she’s in the competition. Her American Smooth with Brendan was lovely, and she deservedly got a 9 from Len.
 

More inconsistencies when Steve and Ola did a weird jungle themed quickstep and he was praised for merging it with Charleston moves, when they criticised Frankie for doing the same thing last week. Jennifer danced some dance to Mamma Mia with Tristram. I wasn’t really paying any attention, I was too busy looking at Tristram…. Duncan James had to get his face in when he came to help pal Simon Webbe with his dance training. Simon and Krystina danced a sexy rhumba, and I thought it was very good, but the judges were hard on him, and Simon seems to be the one Len has it in for this year. There’s always one.
 

Even better, Tim Wonnacot appeared to have Ferne from ‘TOWIE‘ as his acting coach, and it showed given that his Charleston was absolutely appalling. Caroline Flack, on the other hand was wasted as a Simon Cowell lacky on the ‘X Factor‘. Her rhumba with Pasha was perfect and she got a whopping 42 points. I thought Pasha’s outfit was the campest of the night. But worse was to come…
 

I wish Scott Mills would go home. He and Joanne from Grimsby’s samba was bloody terrible and I find them both irritating. I was glad when Frankie finally got a high score for her paso doble as I felt last week she was wrongly criticised when she was good.
 

It would seem Jake Wood may have peaked too soon last week with his salsa, as his waltz to the Godfather this week was rather wooden and boring. I found Pixie Lott very uninspiring and insipid, but as she’s the sort of leggy blonde Len likes, she’s bound to do well (I say no more).
Thom, with his Dan Dare jaw and brooding good looks did a ‘South Pacific‘ number and was good, if not a little wobbly, but little did we know that we were heading for the highlight of the week – Mark Wright as Superman. It was bizarre, awkward and hilarious and so camp I reckon his cousin Elliot is busy writing him an e-mail telling him he’s disowned.
 

My tip to go – Judy Murray.

 

 

‘THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF‘ (BBC 1 – BBC iPlayer)
 

So it’s all over, and Nancy “I’ve never heard of Baklava” Birtwhistle won. Personally I felt that Richard deserved to triumph, after being voted star baker five times, but Nancy did have an instinct for baking, and her down to earth attitude was refreshing. The tension between her and Paul Hollywood was tangible, with PH clearly still smarting from her referring to him as ‘the male judge’ weeks ago. Out of the two judges, I find Paul the most cruel. Mary can be a little condescending, but she has a kind heart and usually finds something nice to say. But Paul seems to have a really big ego and I was surprised he voted for someone he clearly didn’t get on with.
 

I’m going to miss ‘GBBO‘. It was fun watching all the yummy cakes being made, imagining the smells, and laughing at Mel and Sue’s stupid jokes. But at least I can now go to bed on a Wednesday night without the craving to pop to Sainbsurys the next morning and buy donuts!

 

 

‘SCROTAL RECALL‘ (CHANNEL 4 – 4OD)
 

Yet another new comedy for me to review (I can’t help myself) and I really liked it (although not on a Siblings level). Johnny Flynn, who is Jerome Flynn’s very pretty younger brother who looks like a blonde Vernon Kay, plays Dylan, a hapless young man who discovers he has Chlamydia and has to contact all his previous sexual partners to inform them they may have the disease. Each episode is played in flashback, as he recalls how he met said girl. The first week’s was about a girl called Abigail, who he met at his friend’s wedding, which was a complete train crash. And interestingly, it kept us guessing who Abigail was, right until the end. This week Dylan met an older lady called Anna, who he had a brief dalliance with, and the part where he revealed the state of his health to her was absolutely hilarious. I wish they’d have less of this annoying friend Luke though, and concentrate more on the will they won’t they aspect of Dylan’s relationship with his friend Evie.
 

I would call ‘Scrotal Recall‘ a gentle comedy drama rather than all out loony laughs like ‘Siblings‘. Take out the laughs and it would easily become a drama. Dylan is a very engaging character and his annoying friends and disastrous love life makes it easy for us to relate to him. The show reminds me a little of ‘Plus One‘, a comedy starring Daniel Mays, which was on a few years ago, but there is a lot of promise and I’ll certainly be sticking with it.

 

 

‘TOWIE‘ (ITVBe – ITV Player)
 

The saying goes ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ and I think that applies to my attitude to ‘TOWIE‘. I watched the opening episode of the thirteenth series, this time set in Ibiza, and for me, the highlight was when they were filmed in Es Paradis and I did my best to look for the laser light pen I dropped in there in 1997. In short, I think I’m getting too old for ‘TOWIE‘. I used to enjoy watching their trials and tribulations, but now it just seems like bunch of bad actors in a bad soap opera, trying to go through the motions and remember their lines. I long for the days of Joey Essex and his stupid ideas and Chloe and Lauren going for pointless beauty routines. Suddenly it’s got all dark, with Elliot bullying Chloe into giving up her friends, and Danielle berating Lockie, who is so out of touch with his emotions, he couldn’t support her when she suffered a miscarriage.
 

I used to watch ‘TOWIE‘ for a bit of light relief, but now it’s turned into ‘Eastenders‘. The only moment of comedy was when Bobby stripped off the reveal and inexplicable silver sock over his bits to aid with his suntan. The rest was just badly acted melodrama. Although I have to say the showdown between Lewis and Lauren, which ended their fauxmance was very entertaining, especially when he implicated that she was actually forty. Given that Pops has been 32 for the whole time she’s been in ‘TOWIE‘, he may have a point. And please, can someone tell Vaz to stop name dropping? His opening gambit about being there when Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom had their scrap over Miranda Kerr was just cringe inducing.
 

If the series carries on like this once they return to Essex next week, I fear this might be my last series of ‘TOWIE‘. For me it’s lost its innocence and is fast turning into a parody of itself.