THAT WAS THE BOX – May 2015 (Week Three) | TV Reviews

‘BLINGING UP BABY‘ (CHANNEL 5 – DEMAND 5)
 

It could be argued that this is another one of those ‘laugh-at-the-chav’ programmes Channel Five are so keen on, and this one has added child abuse. Well abuse is a bit strong, but the parenting methods of some of these women leave a lot to be desired.
 

There was Lisa Marie, the glamour model single mum who spends a hundred pounds a week blinging up her daughters. She wants three-month old Emily’s first word to be “Chanel”. Lisa Marie thinks that it is immoral for her or her children to wear the same clothes more than once and thinks it’s terrible that the world is full of unfeminine women. For five-year old Lacey’s birthday, she bought her a custom-made Audi. Oh and did I mention that the child’s party was a pamper party?
 

Then there was Sammy, a walking Barbie doll, who escapes the reality of having a son with learning disabilities by dressing up baby daughter Halley-May like a doll and getting into debt to buy her ridiculous frilly dresses. Sammy also let slip that she had a rough childhood and she doesn’t want the same for her children. I see her point, but she is also teaching her daughter that her worth is based upon her looks, which surely could lead to problems. I had to laugh when Sammy reckoned her scruffy boyfriend looked like a ‘scrubber’. I think she should buy a dictionary instead of another pair of glittery shoes for Halley-May.
 

The mother who made me the most anxious was Candy. She is clearly masking Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by claiming that she wants her children to look perfect all the time. Her daughter Frankie was undoubtedly a beautiful child and I could see why Candy would want her to become a model, but Frankie was a sulking, spoilt tomboy who didn’t want to be dressed up and photographed. She was happier climbing on slides and playing on grass; but she wasn’t allowed to because she can’t get her box fresh trainers dirty. Candy can’t see that she’s denying her children a normal childhood. It’s understandable when a mother doesn’t want their child getting dirty because it contains germs. But to do it because you’re putting material possessions above their fun, is just horrendous.
 

While this programme is amusing. I don’t really see the point of it. Women have always dressed their daughters up. It’s hardly a new phenomenon and it’s not like ‘Big Fat Gypsy Weddings‘ which explored a world most of us knew nothing about. I could guarantee that 75% of women, on discovering they’re having a little girl, get excited about the thought of dressing them up. What next? Men who take their sons to football?

 

‘HIGH CLASS CALL GIRLS‘ (CHANNEL 4 – ALL4)
 

Anyone who reads this column regularly knows I do like my documentaries about the seedier side of life, so naturally I was drawn to this Channel Four docu about two ‘high-class’ call girls living in a flat in Mayfair, where one, Emily, serviced men on a regular basis, making lots of porn star noise and scaring her little dogs in the process. And the other one, Cookie (I’m guessing not her real name), spoke in a weird, fake, posh voice, was on her phone a lot, listening to Emily doing the business, and occasionally went out to dinner with wealthy men who wanted to be her sugar-daddy.
 

There was something very hollow about these two young women’s lives. Whilst neither of them are drug addicts, standing on a street corner, selling themselves to fund a drug habit. There still seemed something lacking, where their existence seemed to revolve around money, clients, getting botox and lip fillers – which is a shame because pre surgery, Emily looked like Michelle Keegan – and that was about it. The flat felt like a prison and compared to the beautiful, river-side apartment Billie Piper’s character lived in, in ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl‘, the flat was pretty shabby. To me these girls weren’t exactly high-class. They were sort of Whistles, as opposed to Primark. But a true high class call girl would be Chanel.
 

A telling moment was when Emily discovered she was pregnant by her then boyfriend, and was planning an abortion (she miscarried anyway) and when asked if she would want her daughter to do the same as her she replied ‘no way’. Surely if she thought there was nothing wrong with being a prostitute, she would have no qualms about her child doing it?
 

I thought it amusing how Cookie’s family business was making and selling honey. Now she plies her own honey for money! Cookie was a bit of an enigma and I’m not quite sure why she was doing what she did. With Emily, she had a history of drug addiction and abusive relationships and I felt that she thought escorting was her way of controlling her life. There literally was nothing to Cookie. Nada. I watched the programme and by the end I still felt as though I knew nothing about her.
 

The whole programme was weird and I have to say by the end, I felt a little grubby, myself, and I wonder if that was the intention.

 

‘THE GAME‘ (BBC2 – BBC iPLAYER)
 

This week we saw Smiley Joe, and I quickly realized why he never smiles. It makes him look far too sweet and pretty, and doesn’t work for a hardened spy. The dead-eyed look is far more appropriate. But I have to say a little bit of me melted when he was smiling at Arkady playing with his little daughter and her doll (more of that later).
 

I was looking out for anachronisms this week, as I find the sets in ‘The Game‘ far too shiny and modern for what was 1972. Not that I can remember 1972, but I can remember 1982 and London didn’t seem so brightly lit and sparkly clean even then, as it does in this. Also, there is a big open plan office in MI5. Once again, open plan offices seemed to become popular in the 1990s. Surely back then, they would have been so paranoid about information being shared, they would have insisted on small offices? Also, there was a strip scene (excellent soundtrack – Paranoid by Black Sabbath), and the strippers were wearing sparkly thongs. I can remember watching ‘The Sweeney‘ back in the day, and the strippers (there was always a strip scene in ‘The Sweeney‘) were always in big knickers. Thongs are so nineties.
 

Anyway, back to the show. We still don’t know why Sarah is insisting on taking the pill? Is it merely that she doesn’t want a baby with Anderson..sorry, Alan. Or is it that she is maybe sleeping with the enemy because she is the mole within MI5? This week Arkady led them to his friend Bogdan, who he said could lead them to the people behind the Operation Glass deception. Bogdan was overweight and out of condition and had a look of panic on his face the whole time which is a sure-fire way of guessing that someone is a goner, and it was right. Poor old Bogdan ended up with his throat slit after telling Arkady about Phoenix, which was code for the mole within MI5.
 

Bobby is still after making Wendy his beard. Especially now rumours are abounding about him and a rent boy on Hampstead Heath. Mummy is throwing tantrums because his behavior is threatening her place in society, and Bobby knows he needs to be seen to be straight.
 

‘Sherlock‘ watch – this week we had Major Sholto from ‘The Sign on Four‘, playing some posh geezer – I’m not quite sure who he was.
 

Poor old Arkady was reunited with his wife and daughter, only to be shot dead, at the supposedly ‘safe house’ where they were going to be together. So who told Odin where he was going to be? It has to be someone in MI5 and now we’re going to go all ‘Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy‘, next week. But Joe is using playing cards to represent the suspects rather than chess pieces as Control did in TTSS.
 

I really like ‘The Game‘. It’s not doing anything that hasn’t been done before, but it’s entertaining and the mystery within the heart of it, keeps you watching. My bets are still on Wendy.