THAT WAS THE BOX – January 2016 (Week One) | TV Reviews


The only place for the Latest TV Reviews 2016 - WAR AND PEACE - BBC1
 

WAR AND PEACE‘ (BBC1 – BBC IPLAYER)
 

I thought I would listen to the 1812 Overture whilst writing this, as it seemed somehow appropriate. Actually I have never tried to tackle ‘War and Peace‘, even though I do have a penchant for all things Russian. But I know my terrible attention span would not be able to cope with such a long book. But I am curious how they’ve managed to cut one of the biggest books ever written down to a three-hour drama.
 

Set around the Napoleonic wars, this is a sort of soap opera concerning very wealthy Russians. Star of the show is American actor Paul Dano, who is doing an impeccable English accent (personally I would have preferred it if they’d all done cod-Russian accents, making them sound like Alexandr the Meerkat), he plays Pierre Bezukhov, the rather ungainly illegitimate son of a Count. There is also Lily James as Natasha Rostov, a pretty little thing who Pierre has the hots for. Then there is James ‘Grantchester’ Norton as Andrei Bolkonsky, a young man who is set on going to war to escape his family.
 

In the beginning I found it all quite confusing. Imagine watching ‘Eastenders‘ for the first time with no one telling you who was who, lots of it would go over your head. Well the same happened with me with ‘War and Peace‘. I would say the action did not pick up until Pierre’s father died, and Pierre – despite being illegitimate – is made Count. Suddenly he becomes desirable to all the women in his circle, and even though he clearly likes Natasha, he finds himself press-ganged into getting engaged to the rather creepy Helene Kuragina, who appears to be having some sort of incestuous relationship with her brother Anatole. You just know the union is not going to end well, not when she has her father, Vasilly, (played by Stephen Rea and looking a bit like the Childcatcher from ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang‘) pulling the strings as he tries to gain power.
 

I usually like Andrew Davies’ adaptations, but I found the dialogue a little too modern and that put me off a bit. I will watch episode two because I want to know what happens to poor Pierre, but I have to say, in an age when there are soap operas on every channel, I fear ‘War and Peace‘ won’t have quite the impact that’s expected.

 

Find the Latest TV Reviews 2016 - UNDATEABLES - CHANNEL 4
 

THE UNDATEABLES‘ (CHANNEL 4 – ALL4)
 

I’m not usually a fan of dating shows but I love this programme. We get to meet some extraordinary people who are finding it difficult meeting “The One” (don’t we all?), but thanks to a special dating agency they get the chance to find love.
 

This week we had James, who has Aspergers and lives in a mansion in Berkshire with his parents, and having never got past the first date before, James is eager to find a girlfriend. His first date is with a girl called Chloe who also has Aspergers, and to say their encounter is awkward would be an understatement. There is absolutely no chemistry between them and it takes Chloe two whole months before she contacts him again. In the meantime he meets Susannah who seems a much better match for him, and highlight of the show was when he gave her a present of a book on Stalin because she was a historian. Actually I’d be pretty impressed by a man who bought me a book on Stalin. It’s hardly romantic, but it would show that he’d taken notice of what I was into. James and Susannah got on so well, it was surprise to discover the girl he had actually started seeing, was Chloe, who had got back in touch. James cooked her a lovely dinner and she was very impressed with his big house, so hopefully this relationship will last.
 

Then there was Tom (pictured above, fourth from the left). A hunky young guy who looked perfect, but felt his (very mild) Tourettes and Aspergers made it difficult for him to meet girls. He was set up on a date with a girl called Megan who looked a bit like Kate Middleton and they seemed to hit it off. Tom was shy and giggling and nervous and a whole nation of women fell madly in love with him. Men who think boasting is sexy, take a look at this guy. Tom was sensitive, gorgeous and self-aware and any girl who does eventually snap him up will be one lucky so and so.
 

Star of the show was Tammy, a young woman who had contracted meningococcal septicaemia, which had left her facially disfigured. Bravely, she wanted to re-enter the dating scene before she started her reconstructive surgery, as she wanted a man to accept her as she was. What was so scary about Tammy’s story was that it could happen to any of us, so it was heart-warming when she went on a date with a lovely guy called Gary who was mature enough to look beyond her disfigurement and saw the person beneath. They really hit it off and I hope they make a go of it. Tammy has been through enough and she deserves some happiness. As do all the people on this wonderful programme.

 

The place to find the Latest TV Reviews 2016 - BUS PASS BEAUTY QUEENS - CHANNEL 5
 

BUS PASS BEAUTY QUEENS‘ (CHANNEL 5 – DEMAND 5)
 

This should have been called ‘Mean Girls‘ OAP Stylee. Anyone who thinks women mellow with age need to watch this programme. We follow a group of elderly British women as they compete for the title of Miss Senior America, in Atlantic City. Well, it’s a bit confusing because they’re actually competing for Miss Senior Transatlantic, and Miss Senior UK, which given there is only three of them, means no-one loses. And just like pageants for kiddies or Miss World, Miss Senior America is competitive, bitchy and shows the worst side of women.
 

With a fun and jaunty narration by Len “Sev-en” Goodman, this show made great entertainment. We meet four ladies of a certain age who refuse to grow old gracefully. There was Marilyn, the seventy-year old Oxford graduate and former body builder who berates women of her generation who wear beige. Unfortunately Marilyn had to withdraw from the competition because an inner ear problem meant she couldn’t fly. So we were left with Pat who was sort of like a glam Emily Bishop channelling Margaret Thatcher; lovely eighty-two Rita who was a bit scatty and had a sixty year old toy-boy, and then there was Lynn, who describes herself as the Naomi Campbell of Milton Keynes, and at sixty-seven, is twice as flexible as I am at forty-four!
 

When the ladies got to Atlantic City and met their competition, they knew they had to up their game. American beauty pageant contestants seem to have a rod of steel implanted in them from the age of three, that obviously stays with them until death. Their killer smiles and dead eyes could frighten a shark, and most of them were more talented than half the contestants on ‘Britain’s Got Talent‘. Lynn’s talent was to do some Beyonce dancing, as choreographed by her sprightly seventy-seven year old husband (what do they put in the water in Milton Keynes?), Rita did some ballroom dancing with a saucy blow up doll in a suit, and Pat did a weird stand up routine. After schmoozing all the other contestants and lying and saying they were her favourite, Pat won favour and ended up winning Miss UK. Lynn did not look pleased and Rita just looked happy to be there.
 

The programme showed that you should never judge a book by its cover. Pat looked like a little old lady, and yet she was a bitch and proud of it, and yet Lynn looked young and glamorous and full of herself, and yet she was the one who took Rita under her wing, giving her all her expertise as a pageant regular, and helped her hone her act. Pat was nowhere to be seen, no doubt feeling insecure in Lynn’s company. In the end she needn’t have worried because she reigned triumphant.
 

They should give them all their own reality programme, like ‘TOWIE‘ meets ‘The Golden Girls‘. I think it would be a hoot!

 

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