THAT WAS THE BOX – October 2014 (Week Five)

 

‘TOWIE‘ (ITVBe – ITV Player)
 

I’m happy to say that ‘TOWIE‘ has definitely improved since returning to Essex, but I still find myself more interested in the grown-ups’ stories than the silly, squabbling kids. I watch it and think to myself ‘was I really that vacuous, petty and irritating when I was in my early twenties?’ The reunion between Lauren Pope and Chloe was quite touching and I actually got the feeling the emotions were real. We’ve all fallen out with friends and know how much better you feel when you put your differences aside and make it back up again. Jessica and Ricky are suffering yet another crisis, with him now tweeting some bird off the ‘X-Factor‘ (probably impressing her with his knowledge of eye-liner suppliers).
 

Poor old Jessica, she doesn’t have any luck does she? Her music career flops; her brother is prettier and more talented than her and she has lumbered herself with Ricky. Why has he grown that horrible beard? And how dare he be opening a restaurant? He’ll be taking business away from my beloved Charlie.
 

Please, please, please can someone write poison pug Fran out of the programme? Don’t get me wrong, I feel sorry for her that she found pictures of a naked girl on Diags’ phone, but as he pointed out, why would he lend it to her, knowing there were incriminating pictures on it? Fran goes around snarling at everyone, moaning about everything and starting arguments, and since she’s started wearing those glasses, she has developed a mean old lady face and I seriously want to slap her.
 

Also on ‘TOWIE‘;
 

Is it me or does Georgia K look like the witch from Chorlton and the ‘Wheelies‘? (anyone under the age of 35 will have no idea what I’m talking about).
 
What is the point of Tommy Timmy Mallett?
 
Who dresses like Sarah Jessica Parker to take their dog for a walk? Oh I know, Lydia Bright.
 
How come the interior of their houses look the same? The cast of ‘TOWIE‘ must keep George at Asda in profit.
 
I thought, for the 294th time, Gemma was happy with her weight. If so, why is she now having 3D lipo (me neither)
 
Why did Bobby feel like an intellectual being dressed as an Indian man, for Diwali? Bobby could be dressed as Stephen Hawking and he wouldn’t know who he was supposed to be.
 
Why does Diags cry like Ian Beale?
 
Why can’t Tom Pearce hang onto a relationship? Is there something he’s not telling us? Or should the producers orchestrate a romance between him and Jessica. It might just work then.

 

 

‘THE SHAM MARRIAGE CRASHERS‘ (CHANNEL 5 – DEMAND 5)
 

Apparently sham marriages are big business in the UK. Someone who is here on a student visa that is about to run out, can pay some cash-strapped European person to marry them and so they get a Euro passport. To prove how easy it is to fool the system, hunky journalist with the unfortunate voice, Paul Connolly and his colleague Jessica set up a sham marriage, with Jessica posing as a cash strapped girl looking to make some ‘easy’ money by wedding a guy she didn’t know. Using a secret camera, they approached a woman called Elizabeth (I suspect this was not her real name) who was operating from a seedy flat in East London, advertising on Gumtree as a dating service, and yet advertising elsewhere as giving advice on immigration. She set Jessica up with Ali, a seriously troubling individual who was here on a student visa, and yet had only attended three classes. Even more worrying was when he offered Jessica £10k to give him a baby in their sixth year of marriage, that she could hand over to him. I fear he may well have planned on selling the said baby. He didn’t strike me as the broody type.
 

In a scene worthy of a soap opera, Paul and Jessica waited until the actual wedding ceremony, for Paul to stand up and declare it as a sham. The tension was palpable. Ali did a runner and ‘Elizabeth’ denied everything, even though everything was on film for everyone to see. I was rather disappointed that it ended with the programme makers handing the footage to the police. I would have preferred to see the culprits slapped in irons and carted off, rather than just being left in the air. Given that the authorities employed the guy who interviewed Ali and Jessica, and didn’t quibble when Ali couldn’t even remember his own door number, even though he had been living with Jessica for 2 weeks, I’m not sure they’ll be that interested in this programme. On the one hand, a part of me thinks that if people want to do this, where’s the harm? But similarly, it could be a way of letting criminals into the country and giving them a passport.
 

Typical Channel 5, I get the feeling they were more interested in sensationalism than actually getting to the root of the programme. An interview with someone from the Home Office would have been interesting, and maybe someone who had been involved in one of these marriages. Instead it was all a bit meh and by only focusing on one person, it didn’t seem to prove very much at all.

 

 

‘STRICTLY COME DANCING‘ (BBC 1 – BBC iPlayer)
 

Now I don’t know what is going on with the voting public, but can someone tell me how come Judy Murray and Scott Mills are still in the competition and yet in the last three weeks, eye candy like Simon Webbe, Mark Wright and Thom Evans have been in the bottom two, so much so, Thom went home last week. I thought programmes like this appealed to women and gay men, so why on earth are they trying to get rid of the people who are nice to look at?
 

Anyway, it’s Halloween week, and so the theme was scary. The show was hosted by Tess and Zoe Ball. Apparently one of Claudia’s kids is poorly, but I do wonder if Tess has locked her in a coffin somewhere, scared of her popularity.
 

The night started with Sunetra and Brendan dancing to the original Northern Soul version of Tainted love. Their jive was clean and fun and sharp and you can certainly see an improvement, although the judges felt she is better at ballroom. She scored a respectable 27 points, but seeing as that is a mid-table point, it could put her in danger.
 

Alison took a big chance and wore a white floaty dress to dance to Wuthering Heights to, and as a larger lady, she could have looked hideous, but she looked quite lovely, and the dance was elegant. Maybe wearing heels helped her, but she seemed like a dancer tonight, rather than the novelty act. But like Sunetra, she was scored 26 and is so placed in the danger zone. She might not be safe this week.
 

I still don’t know why Simon was in the dance off last week, but I got the feeling it had affected his nerves, as his and Kristina’s paso doble was rather lacklustre to say the least. Even Kristina looked nervous, although I can’t blame her, as I feel part of their unpopularity is down to the salacious newspaper articles pertaining to her private life. They scored 29, so they could be in the dance off once more. as he a and kristina were unfairly in the dance off last week. Paso double.
 

The irritating Steve Backsall was a little less irritating in skeleton make up. His smiley smiley face annoys me (see also Pixie Lott) but the make up was distracting. He and Ola did a Charleston to Dem Bones, and it was one of the slowest Charlestons I’ve ever seen. I get the feeling Steve is running out of steam and if the papers are to believed, Ola is getting tired of the show and isn’t really putting her back into it.
 

Pixie and Trent, or rather Barbie and Ken as I like to call them, did a tango to Danger High Voltage by Electric 6 (one of the best songs ever!) and it was very good to a layman like me. But according to the judges, her framing wasn’t good enough. But she scored 33 and being so close to the top of the leaderboard, I’m sure she’s safe.
 

Judy has got to go. She and Anton did a limp American Smooth to Cruella de Ville and the best thing about it was the two Dalmation dogs at the beginning. Judy wobbles like someone who hasn’t been lifted before in her life, and she looks uncomfortable all the time. Once again she was left at the bottom of the leader board, but I have a horrible suspicion she’s through.
 

I think Jake has peaked a little too soon. He started the competition really well, and has gone downhill ever since. He and Jeanette did a paso double to Black Betty, and even the judges struggled to find anything positive to say. He ended up with 29 points, but I guess his ‘Eastenders‘ fans will keep him in.
 

Caroline Flack is suddenly gaining ground on people like Pixie and Frankie, and is proving herself to be a very good dancer. Her disco samba with Pasha to Le Freak made me want to go to a disco and dance the night away. She ended with a score of 32, which was well deserved.
 

I know Scott has a lot of fans, but I personally find him quite unlikable and hard to warm to. His and Joanne’s foxtrot to The Addams Family was funny and kooky, but there was very little dancing. He got 21, the same as Judy and if there is any justice in the world he and Judy will be in the dance off, but I doubt it will happen.
 

Mark is my favourite male, and he and Karen work so well together. They did an energetic jive to Little Shop of Horrors and Mark is just going from strength to strength. Like Caroline, he’s galloping in from the back and I think he could end up in the top 5. They ended up with 35 points – the highest score he’s ever got.
 

Frankie and Kevin did a tango to Defying Gravity from ‘Wicked‘ and I didn’t think it was the most exciting tango, but the judges loved the technicality of it and scored her 37 points, leaving her top of the leaderboard. It pains me that I think Pixie’s tango was better, but that was my own personal opinion.
 

Bottom two prediction – Alison and Scott – and Alison will go.