THAT WAS THE BOX – September 2015 (Week Four) | TV Reviews

‘THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF‘ (BBC1 – BBC IPLAYER)
 

So we reach the quarter finals and I have to say that none of the remaining contestants come as a surprise. The likes of Nadiya, Tamal and Ian have been good from the beginning, and I predict it will be two of them in the final in a fortnight’s time.
 

It was Patisserie week, and the signature challenge was to make 24 cream horns in 2 different flavours. Naturally, Smug Ian claimed that making cream horns was easy, and had to show off by making Black Forest Gateau cream horns, I’m surprised the kirsch he used wasn’t homemade. Flora went over the top, adding twills and God knows what, and it was true what Mary said, she needs to concentrate on the brief rather than making hard work for herself. The folly of youth.
 

Paul and Mary loved Nadiya’s rose flavoured horns, but Paul was very disappointed that there wasn’t enough banana in Paul’s horns (ooh bloody er) and he was set on the slippery slope to failure from there.
 

The Technical challenge was to make Mokatines, little decorated cake things made with a Genoese sponge. Everyone seemed to cock-up on this one, and when Paul’s was not set, and the sponge raw, things started to look bad for him again. Flora’s icing didn’t set and the only one that was tolerated was Nadiya, who won, but I think that was more because the others were so crap.
 

The showstopper was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard of, and that was a Religieuse a L’ancienne which is a giant nun made of eclairs. Apparently it’s often a centerpiece at dinner parties. Yeah, right.
 

Anyway, everyone found it really difficult to do, and poor Flora’s ended up looking more like a Dalek than a nun. Paul’s collapsed, so did Nadiya’s slightly, and the poor darlings had to wait for two hours while the things set. Personally, Nadiya’s bubblegum and peppermint eclairs sounded horrendous, but according to Paul and Mary, they tasted nice and she ended up with Star Baker, and Miserable Paul went home. I’m not sorry, his heart was never really in it, and he wasn’t very good most of the time.
 

I think it will be Nadiya, but I would like Tamal to win. He’s been consistently good and even though he takes chances, they work. But what do I know? I only like eating baked goods, I haven’t a clue how to make them.

 

‘CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2015 – THE FINAL‘ (CHANNEL 5 – DEMAND 5)
 

And so that was ‘Celebrity Big Brother‘ series 16. If it has taught me one thing, that is that there is a big gulf between Britons and Americans. Maybe us Brits are a little too reserved, and maybe Americans shout first and use their brain second, but there is no denying this has been a fascinating and insightful series. Apart from Jenna Jameson and Janice Dickinson, I did not know any of the US housemates, whereas apart from James (ironically), I knew of all the UK ones. Sherrie wasn’t annoying as I predicted, and who knew that Chloe-Jasmine was the most insecure person in the world, ever. I can’t see the relationship between her and Stevi lasting. She needs someone a lot stronger, and he needs some quiet easy going wife who’ll accept him being the star he so wants to be.
 

Unfortunately, this series is mostly going to be remembered for Farrah Abrahams and her abominable behaviour. She makes Helen Wood look like Holly Willoughby! I know little of this woman’s background, and don’t want to, frankly. But nothing excuses her horrid lack of self-awareness, her temper and her vile, potty mouth. I swear as much as the next woman, but if the words ‘f*ck’ ‘motherf*cker’ and ‘dipshit’ were taken out of the English language, she would be mute, except for uttering the last few words of the sentence the person she’s with, has just said – something she did often.
 

Highlight of the series for me, has been the bromance between James and Austin. Okay, Austin needs to work on his anger issues, and how he spoke to Janice was unforgivable, but how lovely do him and James look together? Whoo weee! I don’t think there could be many red-bloodied women (and men) who weren’t impressed by looking at those two. I loved their brotherly relationship. I did think at times Austin had a bit of a crush on James (who wouldn’t?) but largely they were like brothers who cuddled, fought, argued, cuddled, fought etc. I hope they continue their relationship now they’re out of the house, and Austin’s husband doesn’t get too jealous.
 

And can someone please give Natasha Hamilton her own Jeremy Kyle/Judge Rinder style show, where she smacks people down? She’s such a feisty, gobby Scouser, and if James hadn’t been in the house, I would have liked her to win. She’s tough and isn’t afraid to speak her mind, but there’s no malice in her. I laughed and laughed when ex porn star Jenna and teen mom famous for her ‘Backdoor’ films, told Natasha to go and have another baby by another man. Pot, kettle anyone?
 

Last night on ‘Bit on the Side‘, Emma Willis said that this was possibly her favourite series of CBB yet, and I have to agree. The whole original point to BB was that it was a social experiment, putting disparate people into a sealed off house and seeing how they interacted. Over the years it has become polluted by wannabes and non-entities, desperate for fame, but with the premise of this one being UK v USA, as soon as the competition started, status was forgotten and instead it was the cultural differences that came into play and caused arguments and tension. Perhaps next series could be ‘oldies vs youngsters’ or ‘reality show stars vs people with talent’.

 

‘DOCTOR WHO – The Magician’s Apprentice‘ (BBC1 – BBC IPLAYER)
 

So the opening of the new series of ‘Doctor Who‘, starts with the Doctor in a battlefield that looks as though it’s in the past, but is clearly the future, and he goes to rescue a little boy from some weird hands painted in grey paint, reaching up to suck people into the ground. When the little boy says his name is Davros, the Doctor has to make a moral decision. Does he save him and therefore inflict the man who will invent the Daleks, onto the world. Or does he leave him to die and therefore do mankind a favour? It’s an interesting proposition. If you could travel back in time and helped deliver the baby Hitler, would you let him live or strangle him at birth? All dictators and tyrants were cute kids once (not sure about Simon Cowell).
 

Unfortunately, that was probably the only part of the whole show that got me thinking. The rest of it was the usual showcasing and showing off anything associated with Stephen Moffat has become famous for (yes, even my beloved ‘Sherlock‘). Did we really need the Doctor, riding into a fighting pit, on a tank, playing a guitar? Anyone over the age of twenty-five would have seen the scene in the bar with the aliens was ripped straight off ‘Star Wars‘. Missy is just a female Moriarty with a Scottish accent. John Simm played the Master so much better. Simm’s warm, Lancastrian vowels made him sound like a man of the people but at the same time he was inflicting evil upon the earth.
 

I can’t say I’m sorry Jenna Louise Coleman is leaving the show. Annoying as Amy Pond was, she made a good foil to Matt Smith’s loopy Doctor, but Coleman and Capaldi just don’t gel at all. Clara’s a bit of a non-character who acts as his conscience more than anything. Okay, we have that with Sherlock and Dr Watson, can we move on please and have the Doctor’s assistant as maybe a feisty teenager who has run ins with the grumpy time-traveller? The whole story got caught up in algorithms and snakes and the revelation that the Doctor didn’t indeed save the young Davros. That is the only glimmer of interest I have in the upcoming episodes. It will indeed be a revelation to discover the Doctor created the man who created his greatest enemy – an interesting parallel with the times we are living in, when those we are fighting once used to be our allies.
 

Capaldi makes a great Doctor, he’s older and curmudgeonly, like a time travelling Jeremy Corbyn! But they need to change the assistant and concentrate on stories rather than showing off. Otherwise I fear we could be reaching the end of the road for the Doctor once again. Sylvester McCoy anyone?