THAT WAS THE BOX – August 2015 (Week One) | TV Reviews
‘HUMANS‘ (CHANNEL 4 – ALL 4)
I was very sad when ‘Humans‘ came to an end last Sunday. I’ve really enjoyed it. I loved the retro feel, the spooky music and the constant look of constipation on Drummond’s face. The series ended with the sentient synths being reunited, now looking for somewhere they can hide from those who want to destroy them. Niska has gone on the run, pretending to be human and holding onto the flash drive that contains all their secret data, and I get the feeling Drummond and Karen/Beatrice are going to have some weird human/synth/human relationship.
It was interesting how Laura came to care for Mia as the series progressed and by the end she was the synth’s biggest champion. To my great relief, it was announced at the end of the show that it would be returning, and I can’t wait. The stories are endless. We don’t know how many other sentient synths there are, and other families could be affected. Something tells me Hobbs won’t give up on his God complex in trying to replicate Elster’s work, and in the next series we could have dangerous, killer synths (worse than Niska) who Hobbs programmes, like he did poor Fred, to love their owner, no matter how vile they are (a bit like dogs).
One thing I am interested to know is how Karen became a police officer. You can’t just walk into your local station and ask to join up, there are rigorous tests, medicals and security checks. How did she pass a medical without the examiner realising she was a synth, and where did she get her references from? Hopefully all will be answered in series two.
‘THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF‘ (BBC1- BBC IPLAYER)
Hurrah, ‘The Great British Bake Off‘ is back. For the next ten weeks or so we will be treated to Mel and Sue’s bad jokes, Paul taking baking cakes far too seriously and Mary getting excited when there is even a whiff of alcohol in someone’s creation. As normal we have the usual crop of misfits, and apparently the name of the winner has been leaked online, but I have avoided looking and want to make my own predictions based on what I’ve seen in week one, and of course will probably be proved completely wrong.
First we had Ugne from Lithuania, a female body builder, who didn’t seem to realise all her references to ‘her crack’ whilst making her madeira cake in the first challenge, was hysterical. But don’t write Ugne off, she won the technical challenge, which was to make a walnut cake. And she probably cracked the walnuts between her thighs.
Nadiya – is a young British Muslim girl and she potentially ruined her madeira cake by putting cardamom in it. But she candied her fruit well (not a euphemism) and made it through. She nearly blew the technical challenge though, by not frosting her walnut cake all over.
Ian –is a travel photographer and stay at home father, I fear he is one who will go in the first few weeks, and he only scraped it through this week. Apparently his Madeira cake tasted like wallpaper paste, and his macaroon looked like a dog turd. For some reason he put elephants on his Black Forest Gateau for the Showstopper Challenge. His cake was obviously based on a trip to the Black Forest whilst taking magic mushrooms.
Matt the fire-fighter looks a little like the actor Matthew Goode, and he seems to be one of those middle of the road cooks who could go either way. He impressed Mary by putting gin and tonic in his Madeira cake. Unfortunately once cooked, the gin could not be tasted.
Poor Dorret, suffered a near disaster when she decided to put chocolate mousse in her Black Forest Gateau and it didn’t set quick enough. The result was a soggy mess that reduced her to tears. Luckily, Paul and Mary showed mercy on her because she did okay on the other challenges and they let her through. Although I doubt they’ll be quite so forgiving if sloppiness becomes a regular thing.
Flora is 19 and youngest baker. She’s already got stick online for being posh and having an Aga at home, but it’s hardly her fault what her parents choose to have in their home. She seems another middle of the road baker, although her stripy Black Forest Gateau was a thing of beauty.
Alvin is a nurse who appears to be one of those contestants who want to run before they can walk. He added fruit to his madeira cake (surely that then makes it a fruit cake) and his figs dropped (painful). When he tried to make caramel, it actually looked more like crack cocaine bubbling away.
Sandy is the token nutty northerner. She’s a child welfare officer, so she’s not only down to earth, but she does a worthwhile job which will make people root for her. As for her baking, it was largely forgettable, but she might well improve.
Paul is a prisoner governor who looks like Billy Corkhill (ask your mum) and appears to have no sense of humour. I don’t see him lasting long. I don’t recall anything about his baking.
Tamal is a trainee anaesthetist and treats all his cooking like his job, down to injecting his madeira cake with lemon and rose water, apparently it tasted wonderful and his Black Forest Gateau was a revelation. I feel Tamal might go far.
Poor Stu the funky musician started badly by making a chocolate Madeira and it went down hill when he put beetroot in his Black Forest Gateau. The time for experimentation is not in your first week, that’s when you’re finding your feet. He was voted off, and quite rightly so.
Star Baker was Marie – a homely Scottish lady who made perfect cakes. Except the trees on top of her Black Forest Gateau were largely terrifying. Marie is one of those people who will continue to be excellent whilst others fall, or else she’ll reach a plateau and not progress.
Next week it’s Biscuits and I can’t wait!
‘A VERY BRITISH BROTHEL‘ (CHANNEL 4 – ALL4)
Where do Channel Four find these people? Kath, the owner of City Sauna, the establishment documented in this programme, could easily have been played by Julia Davis, wearing a pair of comedy glasses. Everyone had comedy accents (sorry people of Sheffield) and even the punters looked like characters from a mock-umentary on BBC3. I loved the very Britishness of this – ahem – massage parlour. There were no Eastern European girls whose passage to England was dubious, the furniture was chintzy on the verge of tatty, and most of the workers looked like women you would pass in Asda, but wearing cheap wigs.
I’m not sure if the wigs were part of their outfits, or it was for the benefit of the programme, to help protect their identities. Only Laura, the touring girl (who knew that existed?) was au natural. Her role is to spend a week in various massage parlours to be placed on special offer like those jars of coffee they can never shift in Sainsburys, and she attracts more customers because apparently men like a bit of variety.
City Sauna is run by mother Kath and daughter Jenny. It is licensed as a massage parlour. The men pay a door fee for their ‘massage’ and what the girls do with them in their rooms is up to them. I have absolutely no problem with places like this. They provide a service for lonely men, or men whose wives cannot have sex for whatever reason, and the girls were obviously happy and well looked after by Kath. They haven’t been trafficked (Kath is against trafficking – her words not mine) and most of the women looked forty-plus and offered specialist services like whipping and spanking etc.
It was good to see the other side of prostitution. Yes there is a lot wrong with it, but as a nation us Brits are pretty boring, and it was interesting that this documentary showed that even with the oldest profession, twee-ness still managed to creep in. I mean where else in the world would a brothel keeper hold a raffle in aid of Alzheimer’s Society, where first prize was an hour with a girl of their choice, second prize was half an hour and third prize, fifteen minutes? Comedy gold.
While we’ve been off air ;
Saw the start of two new great programmes. The first being ‘The Javone Prince Show‘. Those of you who are familiar with ‘Phoneshop‘ (okay I can quote the script to every episode – what?) will know Javone as Jerwayne, but who knew that Javone was funny without his sidekick Ashley? Filmed in front of a live audience made to look like a comedy club, the show is a mixture of stand up, sketches and music. Javone (oh dear God please don’t let me sound like Louis Walsh) reminds me of a young Lenny Henry, before Len turned into a thesp and was streetwise and funny. I hope Javone gets the chance to have second series because there is a lot of potential there. Check out episode three on iPlayer and F*cko, his street magician. One of the funniest things on TV this year.
The other programme to capture my interest is ‘Life in Squares‘, the story of the Bloomsbury Group. Interestingly the focus is on Vanessa Bell, Virginia Woolf’s lesser known sister, and largely her unrequited love for Duncan Grant, her gay, artist friend. Okay there’s a lot of posh people talking about philosophy and art, and there’s a lot of heavy breathing, and earnest looks, but as a writer, the Bloomsbury Group have always fascinated me, and it’s been interesting to find out about some of the other characters, not just Woolf, who usually gets all the attention.
